Euro 2024 is nearly upon us and with it comes a sartorial smorgasbord for us to enjoy, or be deeply offended by.
What have Croatia done this time? Have England pulled off a genuine gem? Why are Belgium wearing brown shorts? And which kit has won our highly-coveted top spot?
There are still a few shirts to be released by Puma, Macron and the good people at Joma, but Nike and Adidas have dropped most of their gear already, so without further ado, let’s get stuck in.
From the visually upsetting to the optically arousing, here is our list of Euro 2024 kits, ranked and rated from worst to best:
Netherlands away
This is not a pattern for a football shirt, or anything people can see with their eyes, come to think of it. It looks like a Travelodge carpet. We briefly wondered if it’s so bad that it’s actually good, but sadly it is not.
Croatia home
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Croatia home is not hard, people: lots of little red and white checks! This is now two tournaments in a row that they’ve missed the brief and it’s not melodramatic to say that summer is ruined.
France home
This kit has got a lot of love on social media but we’re just going to come out and say it [takes deep breath] – it’s all wrong. France have flipped back to a royal blue from the deep, darker blue and it’s just not as menacing. This is supposed to be a nod to the kits of the 1960s, but the actual retro shirts are always better than their modern mimics. The lack of symmetry in the collar is giving us shivers, and don’t get us started on the comedically-sized cockerel…
Spain home
Is this Spanish red? IS IT?! No. It’s teetering towards Dutch orange. Take it away.
Turkey away
Inoffensive but a bit simplistic. Next.
Hungary home
Bright. Too bright? We move on.
Hungary away
Pleasant. No further comments.
Turkey home
What we are calling the ‘horizontal sash’ is quite pleasing, but this shirt is otherwise a bit bare.
Spain away
The colour is almost putrid and would look very bad on a sickly pale person [looks in mirror and winces], although you just know Alvaro Morata is going to look handsome and mysterious and vulnerable missing one-on-ones in this thing.
Belgium home
The black lines around the shoulder and armpit give this a slight ‘shirt bought from prosoccerUK to play five-a-side’ energy, but the subtle diamond background saves it from being a flop.
Denmark away
The collar is a nice touch that differentiates this from the home version, coming up later, but a few more flashes of red trim would have elevated this one.
Italy away
Despite the relatively simple design, there’s quite a lot to take in here with the various colours in play. It all just about comes together, though, and we approve.
Scotland home
Great colours and the bold background pattern is arresting. It would make a nice curtain at Center Parcs. There is also the faintest hint of Euro ’96 here which reminds us of Colin Hendry’s flowing locks, and this is pleasing.
Croatia away
Diagonal checks? Neat. Red laser lines? Intriguing. We couldn’t stay mad at you for long, Croatia.
Netherlands home
Good clean fun from Nike here, and a big improvement on the garish shade of orange at the Qatar World Cup. The faint stripes are unusual but acceptable.
England home
The zany St George’s Cross infuriated all the right people, but this shirt’s strength is actually in its red and blue sleeve trim – a lovely detail.
Sweden home
This is not traditional Swedish yellow which makes us uneasy, but the two-tone blue trim saves this kit from potential disaster. A fun twist on a classic. Mycket bra.
Belgium away
There are three elements we need to address here. The first is the fact that this kit is based on the Belgian comic book character Tintin, which is a slightly mad but quite lovely idea. The second is that the shorts are quite an ugly brown because they’re based on the Belgian comic book character Tintin. The third is to consider the shirt in isolation, which is a nice-looking thing. We can’t help thinking Kevin De Bruyne’s international legacy deserves more than a novelty costume, but overall we like it.
Italy home
You can’t quite see it here, but the shoulder trim consists of narrow lines of red, white and green and they look smart, although as with many of this year’s kits, the shade is a touch lighter than is traditional. Andrea Pirlo could make this shirt look very cool, but alas, he’s not around so it’s just “broadly nice”. In fairness, Italy face an uphill battle every time because nothing will ever touch their ’94 shirt and the iconic sight of Roberto Baggio’s ponytail flopping over his collar. Heady days.
Sweden away
The dashes of pink are not traditional Swedish fare but they work nicely here. The Swedes are going to go out in the round of 16 looking rather dapper.
Scotland away
The purple is fetching, as are the fruity patterns down the sides. Very good.
Germany home
This has hints of Germany’s classic 1994 shirt, where Jurgen Klinsmann looked absolutely divine in those red, yellow and black shoulders. We could do without the fading pattern but still, England are almost certainly losing to this thing in a valiant semi-final exit.
Denmark home
Hummel are maestros and they make no mistake here, hitting all the right marks with this shimmering shirt. Christian Eriksen is going to look glorious hitting the first man from a corner while wearing this little number.
Portugal away
This kit takes inspiration from the distinctive azulejo tiles, we’re told by Nike, which are found all over the country. It’s natty and we like it.
Germany away
We have been staring at this one for a while. It’s… quite something. The design is jazzy, the collar is funky and the colours are very bold. Toni Kroos will make this look great.
Portugal home
The beautiful stock Portuguese home colours do a lot of the hard work here and so Nike have rightly chosen to keep things simple. The dashes of green on the collar and sleeves are a lovely touch. It has an almost regal quality. Also, an elite crest.
England away
England away editions are reliably better than their home siblings, but if you’d told us England’s away kit for Euro 2024 would be purple with multi-coloured side panels we would have raised a concerned eyebrow and begun carving out a space near the bottom of this list. But good lord, what a shirt this is. The colour is almost intimidating. The golden flecks of detail in the Nike swoosh and Three Lions badge are rich and dreamy. The simplicity is art itself. If you could marry a football shirt…
France away
You know all those mean things we said about the French home shirt? Well none of them apply here. Pinstripes are a risky business on a football kit but this is an elegant finish, with sharp blue trim offsetting the white background beautifully. The massive cockerel is somehow less gimmicky than the home shirt, perhaps because it fits with the baseball aesthetic. It’s New York Yankees meets Les Bleus. It’s Lou Gehrig meets Antoine Dupont. Which shouldn’t work, but somehow it does. Chapeau.
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