4. The ‘ice ring’ is rubberised
Any self-respecting Wonderland has an ice rink. No matter if, in the words of last year’s Norwich Evening News, your local one turns out to be “a tiny bit of the car park covered in white uneven plastic.”
5. The pressure’s getting to Santa
Lord knows the hospitality industry is going through hard times. “Santa and his elves are not immune to the shortages of seasonal workers,” as Jack Kennedy, economist for indeed.co.uk, said last year, as the job search site published data showing that searches of seasonal roles were down 27 per cent last Christmas.
The stress appears to be getting to Father Christmas, who was accused of slurring his words while slumped in one Greater Manchester grotto last December. Later, a family found him having a sneaky cigarette, beard round his chin. Nor was it his first offence. In 2016, a Christmas gala event was forced to fire their chain-smoking Santa. “My children found the walk home more fun,” said one mother on Facebook.
6. Pretzels and pizza
On its journey from Lapland, your Winter Wonderland has suffered some cultural and culinary disorientation. Everything from Spanish churros to Chicago deep pan pizza has been swept into its food hall. The festive scent of trans fats fills the air. As one amateur food critic wrote on Lincoln Christmas Market’s Tripadvisor page: “I would probably consider taking antibiotic prophylaxis before eating any of their overpriced offerings.”
